Okay so everything is absolutely amazing, I mean, business is booming, money is going to be pouring in soon. Everything has been on track this year perfectly, I finally feel so alive, I finally feel like things are heading the right direction. We’ve cut deadlines, cut costs, and found an amazing team, an amazing designer, and so much potential with what my partners and I are about to do. I am looking at running a multi-million dollar company within 1-2 years probably. I literally flipped my life around after my horrible break up with my first and only love I ever had, it was the closest to love I’ve ever been, literally. No, not Rose. It was the asian girl Stella I was dating, and I broke up with her repeatedly, and didn’t realize how much I really did love her till I lost her. Funny how life plays games on you like that, my insecurities ultimately led me to my downfall. As I am going to be writing about in my new book that will be in stores June of this year, Young & Stupid: The Story of How I Made And Lost 2.5 Million Dollars, everything I went through, how I made my money, how I lost, the insane depression I experienced was surreal. I have never lost so much, and felt so dispensable in my life, I felt like everything was coming to an end, and there was no getting back up. No matter how positive I was, negativity always followed. I don’t want to tell to much, because I want to save all the dirty details for the book, it’s really going to be quite the story.
Well besides all that, I guess what I am trying to get at is, everything is perfect right now. Everything is absolutely 100% perfect, and I am positively sure this year will be amazing, and I will fix all of my problems. I am so confident I will pick myself back up, and fix everything I’ve done to myself and lost. It’s quite the dramatic and hardest thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire young life, I’ve never felt something so detrimental and so heavy, so heavy I would tear in my eyes when I was alone. Sometimes when writing, I would start to cry. If I was writing this just a year ago, I would probably start tearing. That’s how heavy the pressure felt on top of me. Wanting so much out of me, but nothing left to give, not enough to fix everything, the pain was so rough.
Here I am one year later, standing tall, happy (I think), and fixing everything, cutting the unnecessary crap (people) out, although I am still slightly in some of the same positions (people walking on me). I really am trying my hardest to cut the users out, the people who just walk all over you, the people who are so negative they somehow make you feel like total shit. I feel that way now actually, which was the intent of this post. I feel so walked on, so used, I feel like such a tool. You know a tool, like just being used whenever needed? Yes, a fucking tool. Specifically speaking about the opposite sex of me actually, there a few of the same gender that I feel a little walked on, but mostly directed towards the opposite.
I feel so used, but I feel so strongly about the people who are using me. What do I do?