Wow, it’s already 2012. Holy shit. 2010-2011 were not the best of years for me, went through some horrible business times with BEMODEL. Epic launch failures, horrible team member selection, and just missing every single dead line I set. I almost lost my house, but I decided to let go of it, and sell it. I’m in the process of selling it now. I’ll probably walk with zero dollars. I have investors I promised returns within 1-2 years, and now it’s officially been two years. I’ve had 5 roommates in my house, and it was a horrible decision. Things didn’t go as planned, and I feel those 2 years were not as productive as they could of been. The worst feeling is unsuccessfully launching BEMODEL and not getting it to the level I wanted.
I tried so hard to launch a dating book on the side, and find JV’s, and I pushed for it, but the promises were never held up. The people I hired for BEMODEL, oversold me and made me promises, that I should of known were to good to be true. I got ripped off in contracts, I lost a court case and got countersued (my fault) because I missed the court date. My business bank account was garnished by the dip-shit pathetic of a company LiquidFire / Refresh Digital LLC. I was suppose to launch my book, but I postponed it because I feel I have so much more content to put it in it.

And for the worst news, I have zero friends now. I lost all of my friends. I don’t consider anyone a “true” friend (anymore I guess). No one reaches out to me, no one calls just to talk. No one shows appreciation, and no one ever says “hey I want to come visit you.” I have no friends anymore, and haven’t really had anyone to talk to, or just spend guy time with in the last year. Ever since I kicked everyone out of my house, it seems I have gone in a different path, I chose the path to moving forward, and to leave Colorado. The people around me, and the circle I was in, just wasn’t enough for me.

I lost a really close friend because of a business decision I had to make, which was unfortunate. And now for my move, it seems just because I moved, none of my old friends want anything to do with me unless it involves business. Interesting how that works. But life goes on.

But a lot happened in 2010 and 2011. I fucked up a lot and made a lot of business mistakes, meaning I’ve experienced a lot. I met a programmer who made up for the $55k I spent on a local development team. I moved to LA, I moved to Vegas. I just started recently making good money on the side, giving me enough money to put into BEMODEL. I’ve spent over 20k since May 2011 so far on Elance.com for BEMODEL (this includes the various designs/fixes I’ve gone through, iPhone App, Website complete rebuild, Marketing tools, etc).

And now here we are, 2012. I’ve been working my ass off since the day I left Colorado (again) in June 2011, it’s now February 2012. I left Colorado with a friend, because he wanted to move as well, and he had a girlfriend who was waiting for him anyways, so we up and left. I’m kind of where I want to be financially, kind of, but here’s the problem. I wanted freedom, and time to do what I want at the luxury I want, enough money to do anything I want, and help anyone I want. But here I am 24/7 in front of the computer working my ass off, frying my brain, exhausted from sitting in front of a computer all day. How pathetic does that sound? Exhausted from “sitting.”

And when I say constantly working, I mean it’s a bad habit. It’s to the point of me even noticing how bad of a habit it is. It’s past addiction, it’s been programmed into my brain as a subconscious reaction of anytime I am bored, I have to fidget with an electronic device. When an email tone goes off, without hesitation I grab my phone or laptop. There is never not an “hour” with me away from my laptop, iMac, or emailing on my iPhone. The only exception is sleep.

I’m on the computer day and night, I live and breathe it, but I do make decent money once again, about 15-20k a week. I’ve got plenty of money, no friends, and constantly working. It’s not what I was shooting for. Not to mention I’m living in the middle of a desert. There are some positive notes though, I’ve been able to save up, and just kind of think what my next course of action is. I told myself next time I made money, I would invest, but now I keep asking myself, what to invest in? I’ve posted a blog and on Facebook, asking if there was anyone who needed an investor, and got 1 reply.

I’m still stressed because BEMODEL is taking forever, I just don’t get it, why is it that hard for my programmers to just make a design look like the PSD? I’m doing everything I can to hurry and get it done, and it’s almost there, it really is… I’m about to look for a new manager, or CEO, or something to take over my position who knows how to do product launches.

I just bought a used Bentley Continental GT. Not going to buy new cars until I’m very wealthy. I also just bought a Camera setup again, Canon 5D Mark II, with a 135mm f/2L Lens.

(Mine is black too, with cognac interior, and I have the chrome wheels instead)

So for 2012, my goals I believe are this:

1) Find something that truly makes me happy, a passion, or hobby of some kind.

2) Get BEMODEL launched by June, and successful by the end of the year.

3) Continue staying Vegan, and make it all year without a bite of meat or dairy.

4) Start working out more consistently and more often.

5) Live life, live the dream, figure out how to make my current business more automated, so I have free time to enjoy life.

6) Buy/Lease a house in California (moving there on April 26th)

7) Figure out WHAT to invest in.

2010 and 2011 were great years, but years that could of been done so much better. We don’t have any time left to waste, I don’t have any time left to waste. It’s already to late. After only being slightly over 100 days off caffeine, and alcohol, I feel like I’ve learned a lot. It may sound silly, but slightly cleansed almost, as if my vision is more clear, and I realize why you hear people always saying “Why do you need to drink to have fun? (in that annoying voice).” I wasted so much of my health and time on a drug/chemical that was killing thousands of brain cells instantly, and destroying my liver. The worst part is, I know I have a very weak stomach, and I still did it. How this shit is socially accepted as normal is beyond me, but whatever.

This blog actually got me to really think about where I’m at, and what I’m going to do. On another note, please vote for Ron Paul, seriously…

If BEMODEL is not successfully launched by June, I’m hiring someone to completely take over my position, so I can focus on new investment opportunities. It’s not that I’m giving up, it’s just that there comes a time when I start to realize when things pull me down, and really get to me. I realize I may need help, as I cannot do this alone anymore.

And for now, goodnight everyone. Thanks for reading.